Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
