I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
