i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize