I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
