If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
