...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
two words...techno handjob
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
