"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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