If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
