I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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