My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize