Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
