he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
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I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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