:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
