Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize