My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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