I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
