You just made me feel so damn special
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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