The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
