And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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