No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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