rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
