My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
