On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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