Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
