At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
