I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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