This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
