How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize