So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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