you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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