Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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