So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
