watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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