My brain says no but my pants say off.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
