planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
