my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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