Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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