We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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