i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
