Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
