she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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