You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
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Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
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I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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