im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
