My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
