He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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