It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
