the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
