did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Is Oprah even human
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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