billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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