what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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