I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
