Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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