I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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