I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
