I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
