I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
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I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
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I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize