U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
