I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
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