Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
