I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
