I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
